Tuesday, October 7, 2008

K-NOT 4 SALE!!!!...RIDE!!!

ok, i'm tryin' this again. i made this entry earlier only for it to not upload dammit!!! i think it's aol getting all screwy again when this happens because i get online via my aol account...we'll see if this posts....

so anyways from the beginning again..
may day started by headin over to Cottonwood Mall to show my bike to a guy interested in buyin it. well on the way over, my heart started breakin while facing the fact that i was actually going to sell it and in that moment i knew there was no way in hell could i do this. i was feelin' soooooo GOOD while just ridin' it to thea mall. how could i give up this feeling of FREEDOM by sellin my ride. i just kept tellin myself i coudn't do this..but i also said since i'd open the door to this guy, i would follow thur with it...well, lo & behold he didn't show. that was it!!! Nope, i ain't sellin!!! no longer on the market. it is done. decision made! aint goin back and it ain't 4sale. why do i keep beating myself up with this. well that answer came to me as i started to ride. while ridin to the mall, i thought to myself this wood be a great day to ride to Bandelier. maybe i'll do just that. after his no show, i decided to go for Bandelier. O!!! what a ride!!...wait a sec here..while ridin i realized why i beat myself up over this. it wasn't about the bike. it was about money and my feelin i was lackin it. sellin the bike was the solution. as reminded this weekend with Rev Lynn's talk, it's about consciousness and effect. i was gettin caught up in the effects. if i carry around an attitude that i'm lackin' money, i will only make things worse for me and always have. this is the answer i've been lookin for regarding my financial issues. often i feel i am abundant and have plenty, but sometimes i slide into that attitude that i don't have enough and create more problems for myself than necessary. experiencing the blues during this makes it much worse. i've known for awhile that there's plenty of money. it will always come to me. but at times i forget. there was an effect that arrived at my door step recently. i slipped into lacking and therefore wanted to sell my bike to make a quick fix. i don't need to do that. that's not really the answer to my problem. it'll work out just fine. it may not be to my likin', but it'll work out just fine. THIS is what i need to keep in my conscious. keep practicing the attitude of abundance. Change your thinking, change your life is one of our thoughts at church. it works. sounds simple and it is, but it takes practice. many thoughts have i changed and have a better life for it. i just need to remember it will all be taken care of by me. i have the confidence in me to do so but sometiimes that's slips away. i've been rebuilding my confidence in me for YEARS now=since the last psychosis, 10yrs ago. i'm far better than years past, but i'm not totally there yet again. in time i will be. i'll keep workin on my affirmations and prayers daily. i know everything is perfect just as it is. it is all good. no matter what happens, it's all good...

so anyways, i'm off on my bike ride to Bandelier taking the back roads thru the Jemez Mountains. God! it was sooooo beautiful! the colors have changed. i saw many photos along the way. didn't have my camera, my backpack, absolutely nothing since i was just runnin to the mall and back. but today was about the ride. (hopefully, i'm going back thursday in the jeep to take photos). the ride was awesome! i was so tuned into the wind and the sun, i didn't feel the bike beneath me at moments. but that was on straight roads. thru the mountains, the roads curves like snakes. some places i literally go 10-15mph and do a U turn along the way. between Jemez Springs and Bandelier, the mountain was cold. my hip hurt like the Dickens and then my leg (left side)....not sure i ever told you guys, but 2 months shy of my 19th birthday i fell off a cliff and broke my left femur. since then i've had major aches and pains in my left hip, sometimes the femur and knee as well. but life goes on....so anyways, i endured the ride thru the mountains despite the pain. i did buy aleve and it helped some, but the cold hit my bones to the core...brrr....before returning i contemplated another route back, but i hate Santa Fe 500, the leg of I-25 between Santa Fe & Albuquerque, i hate it with a passion...so i decided i'd endure the cold again. once i got back to Soda Dam, the temperature changed. i knew i had descended low enough again to find the warmth of the sun again. while riding the mountains as i was in sun i was fine, but once i hit the shadow of the trees, the pain soared almost unbearably. but i made it. the beauty kept me going, seeing different angles for more photos. after Soda Dam, i had very little pain, i hardly noticed it. so i made a mental note about the pain. is it going to hurt this bad if & when i move back to the mountains myself? if so, maybe this is a sign for me to stay right where i am. only time will tell....so anyways, today i recognized how my spirit SOARS while i ride my bike. i hadn't quite noticed it as much before. i knew this bike made me feel good, but today i was taking flight. now i can't imagine myself without a bike, like Indigo said. thanks my friend for reminding me....until another day...may you soar in your life!

2 comments:

Robin said...

Wonderful entry! I am so glad you are keeping your bike! Can't wait for next time when you have your camera and you can take us along visually!

Julia said...

If you would have sold your bike before long the money would have been gone and there you be....missing your ride. I am glad you changed your mind.