we do not grow absolutely, chronologically. we grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. we grow partially. we are relative. we are mature in one realm, childish in another. the past, the present, and the future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. we are made up of layers, cells, constellations.-Anais Nin
the skillet is dusty. i haven't used in months. i wash it and cook my eggs. breakfast was delightful. homemade. i contemplate humility and what does it really mean. a moment ago i read Indigo's story a little more. i am humble by her experience. although i have my own story with domestic violence, it is not as painful as hers or others. i now know why she Screams Quietly(see sidebar for her journal) i did the same. my scars still exist and will always be there. even when i have forgiven, the scars don't go away. it may not be as painful anymore, but there is still pain. there is wisdom in those experiences. it helped shape me into who i am today. i talk about it so little. it's too painful. at times my scars are triggered so easily and for a moment i'm back in those moments so long ago. now i am blessed with a better life, enjoying it as it unfolds. i still struggle from my inner self, but i get better with time. as the quote said, we are made of layers. there are even more layers to know and learn. i still need to continue to learn to love myself so that one day i feel whole, perfect, and complete. the journey is long, but worth every step....the little girl pictured is my great niece. at the moment there is a struggle with my sister, her grandma, and her mother-my niece. for custody. unfortunately my niece keeps putting herself in violent relationships. the reasons are unknown to us other than from my experience that is all she knows at the moment could be one reason. the reasons for each woman in domestic violence is as many as there are women there. i can only speak for myself. i was only a child. if you see these women, offer your heart and hand. if not then, but maybe one day, they will get out. and remember the children too. they need your help too....right now i'm in humility for all these women and children....take a moment and say a prayer too.