Tuesday, January 27, 2009

We of the Eagle

ok, i'm back!!! alas the days have come and gone. i've been here a bit, but now i'm ready to be back here more often. i haven't been out shooting photographs lately, but all in time. so for now i've included a couple more of the petroglyphs. i'll need to review what i did post to see what remains for future entries. in the meantime, this last week i've been creative a bit. last week in class, i did a collage on wood for the in class project. we were to take a challenge and reflect something about it on wood using magazines and other art materials. then this past saturday, Rev Julie, our minister, gathered the teens to put some banners for Non-Violence season that begins on the 30th i believe. the period covers between the anniversaries of Ghandhi's and Martin Luther King's Jr assasinations. Rev Julie wanted me to do a banner, so alas i came up with an idea and began a banner. i didn't get to finish it until monday due to work. so on monday i came in early to complete that task. well by the end of that day, Rev Julie asked me to do another banner. i'm thinking she's got to be crazy, but she really liked my first banner for i decorated it in southwestern images. so needless to say i went back in today and did another southwestern banner. i found a greek proverb: "One minute of Patience, ten years of Peace." so i used this while surrounding in a few southwestern images. again she liked it. frankly i didn't know i could even really create a banner, but i managed somehow. a friend called me an artist just from my photos, but these last 3 projects indicate to me i have a few other artistic talents, i suppose. i haven't really ever been "creative" artistically anyways except for my photography. and to think, i just axed going back to college to study the arts. maybe i should change my mind again. i'll know in time. first, finish practitioner classes. then i'll decide on what further schooling i so desire. mostly i want to be on adventures taking photographs. so maybe i can do both eventually. the projects were fun and i felt no pressure that it had to be any certain way. just did it. enJOYed while it unfolded....that's how i want to enjoy life, just as it unfolds. it'll all come together. sometimes it's just that there's so much i want to do and seemingly not enough time. but for now, i'm enjoying the moment....except the cold weather that just blew back in. the past couple weeks we've had 60 degree weather. today it was back to 45 degrees with a cold winter wind. spoiled does not surmise how wonderful this winter has been. i feel fortunate for i know elsewhere in the states, others are buried in snow and freezing temps. i will count my blessings again today. Life is still Good....
oops, one more thing. today Rev Julie gave the staff (only 3 of us) a bracelet to say thanks for all that we've been doing. she also gave one of my crew one as well for Jane is always doing a lot around the church. anyway, We of the Eagle is the title of my bracelet i learned after choosing it (she had numerous to choose from). here is what the bracelet stands for:
"This bracelet is dedicated to those who serve and protect the foudnation of Freedome for our children and our children's children. The hands represent unity of spirit, teamwork and "leave no person behind". The bronze bead: integrity, loyalty, honor and "going above and beyond". Five points of the star: mediation, prayer, study, service and curculation. Hearts; love of home and country. Ocean Jasper, as the ocean is infinite, so are our possibilities. Amethyst; love, healing, & inner peace. Hematite (star & hearts); stress release, energy and healing. Labradorite (grey agate stone); strength, clarity of thought, protection. Two hearts; good relationships. The loop; going full circle, safe return. Items in 3s; conveys health, wealth, and happiness to the person wearing the bracelet.......i thought how fitting when i learned of this. it's a beautiful bracelet and will treasure it daily. Rev Julie, if i haven't mentioned, is a treasure to our church and truly a blessing & gift in my life. she's already made a great impact on me. I am grateful she is our minister....

Saturday, January 24, 2009

i laugh....

For everything there is a season;
And a time for every matter under heaven;
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing'
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
-Ecclesiates 3:18

today is a day to laugh with much joy and love in my heart for Jesse. i've been dancing the past two days in the simple moments of life's grand adventures. today i worked at church and joined in on making banners for the non-violence season. it begins and ends on the days that Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr were assasinated. Rev Julie wanted me to make a banner along with our teens. I finally later this afternoon began one. I will finish it later this week. yet i started the day reading the above knowing its truth within all life here. i know it says there is time to love and a time to hate. well i would not have truly understood that until my own recent discoveries of my own hatred over the holidays. but in that realization that i have hated, i also stood in compassion and understanding finally of all those who hate (or have hated). i had learned the thought a long time ago that one cannot truly know love without knowing hate. i finally know the truth of this thought. as i am learning more about it through my own being, i can only give more love to those who are experiencing it for now i know i am One with them on a deeper understanding. i know we speak on peace, love and harmony, but i now know one cannot reach those ideas until they have felt and let go of their hatred. the above too says there is time for war and a time for peace. being a veteran i recognize the need for both of these. until we all change from within, there still will be wars and soldiers who go to fight for the life of others. but the above quote from the bible truly came into understanding with Jesse's transition. for he gave a part of myself back just with his presence in my life. and that gift is love for all men, without hatred. recently i learned i've been having a love/hate relationships with all men. it started with my father and spilled over to all men. it has been something i've chipped away for a very long time. with Jesse in my life, i learned that i can and do now love men without hatred. as much as i've considered my father one of my greatest teachers, i too consider Jesse another. i also learned to love all of my childhood because of him. i recognize it was a way of life here, still may be for some-teaching children to be adults without a childhood-and so was both Jesse's and mine experiences. but we both survived and lived in spite of it. we both made some decisions alike because of it. but we endured. i am now surrounded by more of Jesse's "stuff". tonite Sandy (woman on the left in the photo) gave me a few more items of Jesse's=a hat, a coffee cup with legs&feet, his backpack and last but not least, a rattlesnake skin....and i laugh. chicken heads, owl's feet and rattlesnake skins. he reminds me of a Crocodile Dundee in New Mexico....lol. but that was Jesse, an adventurer. i had once told a friend back this summer that the type of man i'd like would be a mountain man. little did i know initially that when i met Jesse, he was that mountain man...and i laugh. i hung the skin on my wall here by my desk. now that's creepy,but it is Jesse...and i'll laugh everytime i see it. these were the stories that gave me much laughter. he truly was a character of a man. i still feel his presence from time to time and he will always be in my heart. his kind, gentle nature with me will carry me far. to say he was a blessing in my life seems like an understatement. he was so much more......
.....and i laugh!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


i sense his presence from time to time. he has not gone far from us. he was here only a moment ago. i sit quietly in this place enjoying the solitude as a i get a break from the grief for it comes and goes like the ocean waves on the beach. the ebb and flow on its own course as my heart beats. some days are full of sunshine. some days heavy like a dark cloud but only giving great insight of my life to be. he gave me such a part of myself back, getting close to someone which i had no idea i could do so ever again. it was merely his presence in my life and the gift of himself which opened my heart so easily. i felt connected to him so deeply that i was uncertain at times if i was deceiving myself. but lo & behold i knew in a moment he was more than i could have imagined for he Lived such an enriching life. there could not have been a better man for me. i now wear his shirts keeping him my thoughts. we were similar in size and so much more. similar childhood pasts. shaped by those hardships then taking the road alone to our own adventures. then we met as our crossed paths at the same church & mutual friend. did i know him in another lifetime past? it could have been, but it does not matter for i am blessed more than words can say from his presence while it lasted. words fall way short of the depth of my feelings, but i'll never forget...

Friday, January 16, 2009

in loving memory...

today at 2:20pm, Jesse made his transition. Shelia his sister, Sandy our mutual friend and whom he lived with the last year of his life like a brother, Diane his friend from where he lived in San Ysidro, and myself were all with him when he took his last breath. He is now in peace and on to other adventures ahead of him in another mansion of God's house, for there are many mansions in the Father's house. we all cried tears including Jesse as he left. i'm grateful that he didn't stay around too long in this week's state of condition. he's been a huge blessing in my life as well as many others. he will not be forgotten. i want to thank everyone for your support and prayers. i'll be in touch when the time is right again....Blessings.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

a few more petroglyphs

here's a few more petroglyphs from my hike this past saturday...i hope i haven't duplicated any...

i took more photos than i originally thought which told me there were far more petroglyphs than what i first thought when i went through here the first time only a few days earlier....

i'm posting briefly here as a way to unwind after spending the day with Sandy & Jesse. Jesse is slowly slipping away from us. he wasn't as responsive today as yesterday. not until we gave him a bath and cleaned him up. he really doesn't like that, but this is his fate at the moment.....

Sandy' appreciates my being there to support her. i feel the need to watch out for her as well although she recuperated while in Boston on a trip. we'll both probably fall apart together once Jesse departs. i lost it a little yesterday once i got home from the visit, but am doing fine today. a few tears every day does me sum good.....

i'll be at Sandy's & with Jesse daily until he's gone. so i may not be here often or around to your journals during this process. i'll get by as often as i can, but know you're in my thoughts each day. until i see you again....blessings!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

a prayer please...

And now the end is near
And so i face the final curtain,
My friends, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full, I've travelled each & evr'y highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way. ~Paul Anka

this is a request for prayer for Jesse. alas, he is on his way out. two days ago he had a stroke and is now bedridden. up to that point, he was still moving around doing things much to the surprise of everyone. he said his cancer was going to have to take him, quote-unquote. it's finally caught up to him. we werent' sure exactly what happened at first, but yesterday this is what was surmised. he can't see anyone, he lost his sight. i had not known he lost sight in one eye already, but he's now lost it in his other eye. he's conscious at times, otherwise he's in and out of it. he lost his speech too and is communicating by shaking his head, yay or nay. Jesse has all along wanted to do it his way. he didnt' quite get out like he wanted for he didn't want to be bedridden. but this is where i ask for your prayers that he surrenders his body and moves on to other adventures in the unseen. he's still hanging on. he can be stubborn. Sandy and i figure this is where he needs to learn to surrender. we pray he doesn't stay in this condition long. all our prayers are needed. we've given him permission to go, now it's up to him. i did stop by and see him these past 3days. the previous two he was sleeping. today he was conscious a bit and so i spoke to him. i told him what my heart desired and kissed his cheek. i don't know for sure if he heard or understood completely what i said, but i feel at least he heard me somehow someway on some level. i stayed for a few hours with Sandy. i'll go every day until this transition for all of us has passed. Sandy gave me a gift today. a trunk that belonged to Jesse. he was selling it and i told her i'd buy it, but she insisted on giving it to me. also, Jesse has some rattlesnake skins hanging out in her garage. i'll probably take one of those too. we were wondering if he caught them himself and skinned them. i wouldn't be surprised if he did. Jesse was an adventurer throughout life. everyone loved his stories including me. he's going to be missed greatly and my heart breaks a little every day now. the only hard part for me is simply saying good-bye. he's been a blessing in my life although it's been short. he's taught me a few things about death and more about living. he'll be in my heart always. i wish we could have met sooner, but life didn't have it planned that way. he's a treasure in my heart. time will heal my loss. for now, i'll be visiting him every day. i'll keep you posted...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Rinconada Petroglyphs

just a few petroglyphs from today's hiking trip. these were my favs. there are more good ones which i'll post as i make entries. these petroglyphs are believed to have been made 400-700 years ago. some are fading, but there's still plenty like these that are still very profound. again, more to come....

more to come...

a few more petroglyphs..and more to come....these were taken last weekend with Marsha & Madison. today i took the hike group to another area where more petroglyphs exist. it was our hiking group event for the day. as i was downloading the photos from today onto the computer tonite, the battery died, so i'll have to wait for the recharge. anyways, some of the petroglyphs i saw today were even better than these. much to my surprise i took 80+ photos there. i took this hike on thursday as a precursor for the group. i didn't remember seeing that many, but i found sum today i didn't see on thursday. it was a nice quiet hike for me initially. the group took off like bats out of hell down the trail not getting near the rocks where the petroglyphs were. so i was there all by myself taking photos and strolling along. i actually enjoyed it. eventually i did catch up with them at the end and harassed them about how they flew down the trail. we did come back the same route so they could see what they missed. it seemed like a short hike, but just right for a cold wind that was blowing during the sunshine. we also had quite a few more people than ususal, but that was just fine. a few arrived late and one showed i wasn't expecting at all. we chatted about a couple future hikes once it warms up. those are out of town and will make for a long day, but will be worth the adventure. so all in all, it's been a good day. now i'll relax and watch the football playoffs while doing homework for class. this past week i got all the homework done but a paper written. i'll wrap that up today so i can start anew with next week's assignment tomorrow. it's been a very busy week for me with the new addition of custodial duties. but for now i think we have the major kinks out of it thanks to Jane filling in for me last night. now for sum more rest and a little solitude. next week i'm basically not working except for a couple minor things, and unless Rev Julie calls me in for something. this will be her first official week being on board full time. she's already been busy as heck moving in this week. right now i just look forward to her talk tomorrow and have a sunday off...

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Today my heart is filled with gratitude and unconditional love for the immeasurable vastness of Life, and the awareness of my cosmic connection to all creation. I stand in awe of the unfolding pattern of perfection in my life. Joy overflows in my being as I contemplate the mystery of Oneness that reveals itself through me. Life is good.....Gratitude

...and so is the simple day today. i am worn and weary from the week, but my heart is grateful for all that is. today is a day of rest, and rest i must. tomorrow is another full day much to my disappointment. but it will be only one day and i will rest again this weekend. a challenge arrive this week and i've been diligently working to assess its position. unknowingly thought, i over scheduled myself and there i was working 6days in a row again. and this week was more physical work which i had yet to do for quite some time. it is all good though. maybe the new physical labor will assist a little in losing my weight. along with my hiking, i may get there sooner than later. but when i'm weary, my soul speaks to me and i learn more wisdom, i have greater insight into what i've been learning for wise teachings. there is purpose for good in all things although at times it doesn't seem to be as such. even the tedious daily work provides wisdom for one's soul to be carried with us for eternity. i had been missing good work since retiring, i think it has finally arrived at my door step. maybe at last the balance is here. i look forward to more work set to my limits. i know i only have more wisdom to gain. work seems hard at times, but without its discipline i would not be who i am today. there is more work to be done, inside and out. the two go hand in hand for one's Soul. i give thanks this morning for the blessing at hand and to all those who cross my path who enlighten me to my Being. but for now, i'll rest and re-energize, for there is more to do tomorrow...

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


water's brewin' so i can have sum hot chocolate:-). i need something to unwind with, so opted for the cocoa. i sit here at the computer vegging so i can relax a little before diving into homework for this week's class. although it's tuesday, it feels like another monday, after yesterday. it is this week that i started picking up the sexton's duties at the church. mostly custodial work, but time consuming and tiring at the moment. the vacuuming is physical because the vacuum sits on my back like a backpack. it's like carrying my backpack while hiking only a tad heavier. i've spent the past two days doing a minimum of 2hrs of vacuuming with it on my shoulders. then it was off to do other physical work as well. anyways, it's all good really. i can use the exercise and that acai supplement i'm taking has not had any effect on me. the acai berry diet pill must be something separate than the supplement. i see my doc on thursday and will ask her then if i can try the diet pill. i'm soooo anxious to start losing weight and the snail pace i'm doing now, i'm inpatient with at the moment. i know, one step at a time, but hurry up dammit...lol
so anyways, here are a few photos i took at the Piedras Marcadas petroglyphs. there were all kinds of petroglyphs in this area. Jim had said this was the most concentrated of petroglyphs of all of them. we just went to what is called Station 5. there's more to be seen and i will get back there. Our church group are suppose to go to the Monument this saturday, however, the weather forecasts is for snow and a cloudy day. so we may have a Plan B in the works for something indoors. hopefully the weather will hold up and we can go to the Petroglyphs Monument. that will be more great photos to be captured. but if not this saturday, we'll shoot for our February hike. there's plenty of time for all the hikes. Mother Nature just needs to cooperate. lately it has been COLD. if it hasn't been cloudy and snowing, it's been sunshine with a blistering cold wind like today. mountain wind can be brutal at times especially during the winter. it cuts thru you and there's no way of keeping warm other than inside a building. i remember every time i step out in it of the days delivering mail in it. even though i was somewhat "conditioned" to the weather changes, there were times it was unbearable..and still is. and so is the winter where we are to hibernate like bears. wouldn't that be lovely if we could sleep like them too...lol
so alas, it's a busy week. once this week is over, my entire facility assistants crew will be in on the sexton duties. i will still do the bulk of it, but it'll be nice to hand some of it over. i look forward to this weekend where i'm totally off from any work. i'm going to play a little, study a little. it's the playoff season for football, so i'll catch a little of that too. for now, i'm happy our new minister has arrived and already began communicating with everyone. i look forward to her first talk this sunday. another new beginning. it can only get better.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

twice in 1 week!

To foster inner awareness, introspection, and reasoning is more efficient than meditation and prayer. -Dalai Lama

well yesterday i had another great day. after work i had invited Marsha to go with me to the Petroglyphs on the westside of town.... i'm taking our hike group there next weekend....anyways, Marsha has us meet Diana so we can pick up Madison on the way. twice in a matter of a few days i have seen her. what a blast! well after picking up Sugar Plum, we headed to the Open Space visitor center where we saw this tree pictured here. it is all carved into many different critters. only a few photos here of it with Madison (&Marsha) photographed too. the tree is absolutely beautiful. there are a few more trees carved down the road a bit by the bosque. we didn't have time to go by there for Madison wore us out after we went to the Piedras Marcadas petroglyphs. i have sum photos of them too, but will post them in the next entry. that was a great visit there too with a concentrated area of the petroglyphs. i didn't even know that particular area existed, but Jim took us there after he got off work....so anyways, we hked awhile, then climb sum rocks-Madison too. she followed me up to where i could get photos. she's not afraid of anything. she just climbs her little heart out wherever we go. i carried her there which to my surprise with my achin' back, relieved a lot of the pain afterwards. i came home last night and noticed i just had a pinch of back pain and nothing more. a little sore this morn, but it feels like when you do a workout, not the previous pain. i feel great after spending more time with Madison. it was a wonderful day with a little football afterwards. now i'm ready to go sum more....

Thursday, January 1, 2009

If you can't
be a highway,
be a trail.
if you can't
be the sun,
be a star.
It isn't by size
that you win
or you fail.
Be the Best
of whoever
you are...
-Rebecca McCann

i hope i got the author correct on this. i got this off my calendar given to me by a friend. it's a beautiful calendar with different thoughts for each month. so each month i'll be sharing the thought for that month. a great way to start anew every day.
anyways, the New Year is here! alas a great beginning this morn. i woke, dressed and headed straight to Marsha's where she had Madison. the three of us plus Jim (Marsha's beau) headed out to breakfast where it was an adventure. i was told i was on double duty with Marsha to watch out for Madison...lol...and she was all over the place. mostly she did pretty good, she just kept going between Marsha and me. we got crackers, crayons plus coloring sheet to keep her busy, but she managed to stir my coffee continuously as well. she had Jim constantly opening crackers for her. that was his job and only his job according to Madison. thankfully breakfast arrived and she sat to eat without the booster seat; she just had to sit at the table without it. after breakfast we were off to the park, first stopping to get Scooter (the dog) to join us. again Madison had to walk Scooter on the leash to the park. Madison had her own"leash" on which she gave to Marsha the end of it, and in turn had Scooter in her hands. trying to get both of them to walk at the same time was a challenge to say the least. they kept going in circles. thankfully we made it there and back with no real problems. but it was all such great JOY with Madison even if she did get fussy from being tired. the park trip was to wear her out so she could immediately nap afterwards. well the whole morning was such an adventure for Marsha & I, we too had to come home and take our naps. i left as soon as Madison went to bed then went to Target for a few items, but by the time i got home, i was ready for my nap. i'd forgotten how much energy it takes with Madison out in public. it's been awhile since i've been on those adventures. but i laugh. it's just too much FUN anytime Madison is around. anyways, it was a good morning.
as i mentioned in another entry it was time to lose weight, one of my two new year's goals. well yesterday i went and bought some Acai. it's not the exact product that Oprah used, but i thought i'd start trying it. it's the herb in pill form. i'll see within a month if there are any changes and whether i need to order what Oprah used. by then i'll have talked to my doctor, whom i see next week. i'll also know too IF the Acai will effect my meds. i will notice the slighest change, i always do. i just couldn't wait to talk with my doc. i've had enough of my weight and its issues this past year. And after discovering those photos, it's just got to go, at least 10-15lbs of it. i know i can do this, i just need to figure out what it's going to take to do it. i may know within a week, if this Acai is working or not. i did weigh myself today so i can see the difference in a week. i can hardly wait. one way or another i'm determined to take it off. once i set my mind to something, i usually can do anything.
in the meantime, i had someone ask about my bike yesterday. that's good news to hear as well. i'll work with him if i need to, but selling that will take care of a few bills right off the bat, the second goal of the new year-paying off debt. i know within my heart, this new year will be better than last. these past two days are a slight indication of just that. perserverance will pay off. i'm in a better place from within than i've been in awhile. the universe is the limit...