i laugh....

For everything there is a season;
And a time for every matter under heaven;
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing'
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
-Ecclesiates 3:18


today is a day to laugh with much joy and love in my heart for Jesse. i've been dancing the past two days in the simple moments of life's grand adventures. today i worked at church and joined in on making banners for the non-violence season. it begins and ends on the days that Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr were assasinated. Rev Julie wanted me to make a banner along with our teens. I finally later this afternoon began one. I will finish it later this week. yet i started the day reading the above knowing its truth within all life here. i know it says there is time to love and a time to hate. well i would not have truly understood that until my own recent discoveries of my own hatred over the holidays. but in that realization that i have hated, i also stood in compassion and understanding finally of all those who hate (or have hated). i had learned the thought a long time ago that one cannot truly know love without knowing hate. i finally know the truth of this thought. as i am learning more about it through my own being, i can only give more love to those who are experiencing it for now i know i am One with them on a deeper understanding. i know we speak on peace, love and harmony, but i now know one cannot reach those ideas until they have felt and let go of their hatred. the above too says there is time for war and a time for peace. being a veteran i recognize the need for both of these. until we all change from within, there still will be wars and soldiers who go to fight for the life of others. but the above quote from the bible truly came into understanding with Jesse's transition. for he gave a part of myself back just with his presence in my life. and that gift is love for all men, without hatred. recently i learned i've been having a love/hate relationships with all men. it started with my father and spilled over to all men. it has been something i've chipped away for a very long time. with Jesse in my life, i learned that i can and do now love men without hatred. as much as i've considered my father one of my greatest teachers, i too consider Jesse another. i also learned to love all of my childhood because of him. i recognize it was a way of life here, still may be for some-teaching children to be adults without a childhood-and so was both Jesse's and mine experiences. but we both survived and lived in spite of it. we both made some decisions alike because of it. but we endured. i am now surrounded by more of Jesse's "stuff". tonite Sandy (woman on the left in the photo) gave me a few more items of Jesse's=a hat, a coffee cup with legs&feet, his backpack and last but not least, a rattlesnake skin....and i laugh. chicken heads, owl's feet and rattlesnake skins. he reminds me of a Crocodile Dundee in New Mexico....lol. but that was Jesse, an adventurer. i had once told a friend back this summer that the type of man i'd like would be a mountain man. little did i know initially that when i met Jesse, he was that mountain man...and i laugh. i hung the skin on my wall here by my desk. now that's creepy,but it is Jesse...and i'll laugh everytime i see it. these were the stories that gave me much laughter. he truly was a character of a man. i still feel his presence from time to time and he will always be in my heart. his kind, gentle nature with me will carry me far. to say he was a blessing in my life seems like an understatement. he was so much more......
.....and i laugh!