A Strong Woman

good mornin...it's monday morn and a dreary day. i'm ready for a nap after being awake only a few hours. i saw my eye doc this morn. the occasional double vision i see she says is probably my need of bifocals. i think she's right for it's basically when i read late at night i start seeing double. in another 3 weeks she'll exam me for that prescription. i can hardly wait. although my sight is far much better, it is at times blurry from the farsightedness or lack of bifocals which is frustrating...
yesterday i got the above picture from my daughter Jorje. i had seen it somewhere before and she had it on her myspace account. it is beautiful in it's simplicity but i think i'm learning that the word strong has more depth to it than originally thought so many years ago. yesterday morn i had breakfast with friends who are no longer at the church. we ate and talked about church affairs. it was educating to say the least, another perspective on the inner workings of the people at our church. but then i was off to work at the church with the very same people whom was talked about. i was also carrying a request from a friend who wants me to do something that i realized goes against my integrity. i was reminded again yesterday that people at the church do pretty much whatever they damn well please and that has been going on for years now. so there i am not waivering my position which is not getting on a bandwagon against some of those at church yet disagreeing with them too. what i am doing and where am i in all this mess with recent events, i'm still asking myself. there's so much i see and understand, i'm not sure what to do yet. maybe i've said all i can at the moment. maybe there isn't a platform yet where i can speak my voice until the new minister comes aboard and i have written her emails and talked to her on the phone. with our philosophy that it is all God, i wonder are we sweeping things under the rug? i'll only know in time. in my silence at the moment and i'm enabling that very same thing. i'm not into cover ups and that is what's going on at this time. at the p.o., i had the union and my peers for support. here at the church conflicts are dealt with so differently. i'm anxious to see how our new minister will lead us in healing it, if it gets healed at all. this is a new arena for me. a new way of dealing with things. i'm all ears and learning as i go. i only hope i'll know the "right" thing to do in time, including if i must go against my "integrity". surely my "strength" is being tested right now. i'm being tested on "confidentiality" so much these days all of it is giving the word new meaning. i desire to live an honorable life but i'm asking myself what does it really mean. everything i'd say at the church is testing my own values and forcing me to re-examine myself and my beliefs. this is a whole new ball game, or the same ball game with different "rules" that i'm going to have to play in it for awhile to know the outcome of the journey on the other end. it is all interesting to say the least....