i found my answers...

Martha..i found my answers. no sooner after writing the previous entry did Lori from church called. sometimes i swear my prayers are answered almost immediately nowadays. we were suppose to have lunch tomorrow, but at the last minute she felt it best to lunch today. so off the computer, out the door and over to Weck's. i haven't seen Lori in ages other than a recent hello at church service. She and i connected when her and hubby came to the church only a few years ago. let me tell you one thing about Lori=she's Shirley MacLaine's twin-almost identical. when i first saw her at the church i had to do a double take to make sure it wasn't Shirley MacLaine herself, the actress and author of numerous books. anyways, Lori and i hit it off immediately. she's such a wonderful woman. she and i were in Roots class last year this time together. she told me i blew her away. well she reminded me today of who i really am. I am that loving, compassionate, humble person living through my heart and seeing the Truth in all Life and more....she just sent me an email and said to "Hold the truth in you and All in your heart and you will be o.k."...so true. i'm going to right that on my mirror.....anyways, we talked about church and the latest ongoings, but not with vindictiveness or cruelty, but with true love and compassion for everyone. We are all doing our best in each and every moment as that moment unfolds. we may be better at our best in the next moment, but we are human and are creating all that unfolds just as it is. sometimes the philosophical thoughts don't help in the human moments. although i know it's all God, those words do not touch the human aspect of it all. anyways, lunch was just awesome with Lori today. Then to top it off, i got to talk to our new minister Rev Julie. she only reinforced the knowingness i have within me which was also the support i needed after yesterday. Rev Julie also stated that sometimes as things happen you will feel as an outsider because you understand differently than others and choose not to get wrapped up in the drama. and that is what i have been feeling. i have no intent in getting wrapped up in the drama. i'll listen with compassion but i won't get myself pulled in one direction or another as i have felt of late. i can make a stand yes, but i don't have to choose any "side". as i recently learned, there are no sides (there are as many sides as there are people in it) and i'll learn that thoroughly as time goes on. so with today's events, i will not dishonor myself or my integrity. that is not an option. holding onto myself during these tumultous times at the church is truly the battle to be won. now i know where to get some of my support during the tides of change=Rev Julie & Lori. i'll also have it with a couple other friends, but they're pretty darn busy at the moment and have different perspectives on it all. i need reminders of what i'm doing and how i'm living from my heart and humility. Goodness i've come a long way, but this is only the beginning. To thine ownself be true! (i'm writing this on my mirror too:-)...